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At Peace Again, At Last

The need to blog is as real to me as the inability to do so. My lack of aspiration clouds any content I might be in possession of - understanding my content is mostly based on an unscripted mix of reality and perception - which in time simply becomes the scripted works of a sleeping me. I am self - reflecting because I am self absorbed. But it is impossible for me to give 100% to writing about my life even though it may seem to you that I have.

Truly, my daily distractions and interests  are way too many to share in one entry. Also as my great love Harry said, I am like a green-ass fly, I never land. In my defense, I shed these distractions and interests like several snakeskins. Each day I walk a labryinthe. Sometimes I am lost and unable to find my way out.

The book I have been reading, Autobiography of a Yogi, is quite the way to a past that is multi faced as my present and future. I am completely transformed into a person I once was and the person I have chosen yet again to become. The difference being I am able to see that which was once hidden from me.

Dak picked a lottery ticket for me today; a ticket to which he was particularly drawn. It was the new $10 DE Dollars. I hit the 10x money bag symbol for a $100. Fortune was shining on me through him.  Now we are waiting for the pick 4 night. The kid's number appeared randomly as if often does and I played it. I also played the number I refer to as the 3 of us. As a matter of record, the winning number may be of interest.

We were blessed this evening with a plate of aloo tikki and now as I am enjoying a glass of peach iced tea I realize that I am content with the small life that I live as a reclusive student of life. I do not seek human companionship - except in moments of weakness. And yet, I will converse with almost anyone should the opportunity present itself.  That is the extent of my participation in keeping with my solar house- be it limitless or not.

It is only the committment to love and friendship that I fear will impede me on the path I am choosing for myself.


Books, Film And Music

I spent most of the day sleeping. And now as evening descends I will rest yet again until sunset. My night will be filled with the captivating book Autobiography of A Yogi, the riveting book Good Night, Sweet Prince - in which I have found validation for a past life I knew about but never thought to prove -  a film not yet known and music.

I may also work on an image extraction I started just yesterday because I find the work calming. It is of a lion from a famous painting; the name of which I have forgotten or never knew to begin with.


It Is Share Your Studio Day

On social media. But only if you have Twitter and or Instagram. Inserting an eye roll -----> here.

I stumbled across many messages and a few lessons I had forgotten today. I have been pathworking autumn - only because I am anxious for the summer to end. 

Now reading Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramhansa Yogananda. Published in 1946.  
The Philosophical Library, Inc. 15 East 40th Street New York, N.Y.

You can read it here → 🔗

This makse sense:

...the day of death better than the day of birth....for death is the destiny of every man - Ecclesiastes 7:1-2

And yet the death to which it was dedicated today does not make sense to me at all. As a stranger watching, from afar, a life deteriorate within days I confess I do not understand how it could end so quickly. Without warning. Tragically.....I am not going to identify the source of my puzzlement. I will only say I have seen someone die within 2 weeks of a diagnosis. I have never seen it within 2 days.

It makes you wonder how someone can be so life deprived near the end. And yet many of us leave without saying good-bye. Should not a death equal a life?

Maybe it depends on which life one is atoning for. This life or a previous one. Sometimes I know. Other times I don't.


Autumn In New York

Or even Moonlight In Vermont. Where ever I am I will be wearing the new Baja - drug rug - hoodie and sleeping beneath the new Baja meditation/yoga blanket I purchased for my fall closet. In the leaves. In the frost. Under the stars. I wasn't going to replace the hoodie and blanket I wore out but then I remembered how incomparably minimal for van life they are. I also bought 2 new sweat shirts.

Of course, my leather rules the 3-5-7 closet and even though I still need new boots, I consider my wardrobe to be complete without them. My style has, for the most part, been unchanging since 1971 and I still have clothes I wore in high school. 

The truth is I hate to shop for new clothes. So when I do it's like somekind of weird victory. This year I did most of my shopping on the boardwalk. 

The blanket I bought matches the hoodie. Yes, I have since thought the color is all wrong for me.  Yes I have asked myself what it was that I was thinking.


An Atlantean And Mule

Sunday Double Feature:

Justice League. 20017. Epic fail. I can't even.

Aquaman  2018. 5✩ for the eye candy and supporting cast.

Movie of the Night:

The Mule. 2018. 3✩ Clint Eastwood movie. 5✩ Clint Eastwood performance. Critics have billed this movie as Eastwood's swan song. But the man is gritty and I think he will ride again if he can. There is a 50% chance that this is my last Eastwood film. I know real legends never die but the thought of him acting ar the age of 90 or older seems kind of disturbing to me. That aside, I really liked The Mule  even if the ending was somewhat disappointing.

For what it's worth, I'm sorry for everything - Earl Stone  [The Mule]

I tried being reasonable. I didn't like it - Clint Eastwood



It is a lottery fail. And a family of 3. It is also an angel/message/Yoska number that I did not understand until just now.

Dak and I knew he was with us. We just didn't realize how true to our future he was being. He spoke but I didn't think to listen.

Art exists because life is not enough - Brazilian Poet Ferreira Gullar 

Looking for translations of To Die in Rio de Janeiro and Poema Enterrado [Poem Buried]. Also looking for Da Sun. 

☀️ 🌟 ⚡ 🌟 ☀️


Breaking News

Jeffery Epstein's death is officially ruled a suicide by hanging.  And just today I discovered I am really Mary Magdalene.


In The Stars

☽ Moon in House I
△ ♆ Neptune ☽Moon, orb: 2°12'
⚹ ♄Saturn ☽Moon, orb: -0°58'
⚹ ♆Neptune ☉Sun, orb: 1°46'

ϟᾔ@❡ℊ℮∂ ℉я◎μ Їη☂℮яηℯ☂: ✝нε $☤ℊη﹩ & ℳ℮ღℯṧ

ℒ◎яⅾ øḟ мℯμεṧ: ∀ⓠυ@ґ☤ʊ﹩
Å﹩ṧ☤☂αηт ℳℯμ℮ʟ◎яⅾṧ: Ḡℯμїᾔ☤, ϟαℊї☂☂αяḯυ﹩
Ѧ﹩﹩ḯ﹩⊥@η⊥ ☂◎ ⊥ℌ℮ ℳεм℮ℓ◎ґ∂: ✝αüяü﹩
ℭґεαт℮ṧ μ℮ღε﹩: ℙ☤ṧ¢εṧ
ϟ℮łℓṧ ☤ʟℓℯ❡@ℓṧ ღεμℯ﹩: ☾α℘ґḯ¢◎ґη, ϟḉøґρḯ◎
฿ʊƴ﹩ μℯмε﹩: ℭαᾔ¢ℯя
ℒ℮αḓ﹩ ☂ℌε ґℯ♭ℯʟℓḯ☺ᾔ α❡αїηṧ☂ μℯღℯ﹩: Åя☤ℯṧ
♏ℯм♭ℯя﹩ øḟ ⊥н℮ яℯ♭℮łʟї☺η: Ⅴ☤ґ❡ø, ℒḯ♭ґ@
Ðε﹩тґøƴṧ ღℯμ℮ṧ: Ḻℯ◎

Also Snagged: The Signs and who kills them

Aries: a Gemini
Taurus: a Scorpio
Gemini: Immortal
Cancer: a Capricorn
Leo: a Capricorn
Virgo: an Aquarius
Libra: a Capricorn
Scorpio: Venereal Disease
Sagittarius: a Capricorn
Capricorn: Can Not Be Killed
Aquarius: a Virgo
Pisces: an Aquarius

My birthchart details: A repost without interpretation. Do the best you can. Make shit up. → 😜 ←

☉→♑, 16°12'40" 12th house | Ascendant→♑, 25°18'27" 1st house | ☽→♏, 15°46'11" 9th house | ☿→♒, 4°27'23" 1st house | ♀→♒, 17°37'46" 1st house | ♂→♏, 25°42'15" 10th house | ♃→♍, 0°49'49" 7th house | ♄→♏, 29°31'16" 10th house | ♅→♌, 0°52'32" 7th house | ♆→♏, 0°14'30" 9th house | ♇→♌, 28°16'5" 7th house

Devil In A Blue Dress

Let me guess. #42 was first seen wearing this particular dress at the exclusive men's club Bohemian Grove.  Behold! The ineffective ritual magick of powerful, sleeping men  👠 It is dark. And demonic. But not in an esoteric way. It is the morally corrupt, spirit cooking Podesta Red Shoe club. Demon possessed, sulfur smelling, womanizing pedophile rapist. In a blue dress. In the white house.

It burns. It burns. 👀 


 So Jeff was into young girls and Bill?

Comment Porn:  I am Jack's complete lack of surprise.


Tarot Card Of The Day

The once nameless Death which signifies transformation, separation, loss, liberation, revolution! And the astrological correspondence? Scorpio. ♏ + <3 = ✂❤

I thought last Saturday that I had moved on and to pretend otherwise would be an act of sabotage. I understand that one has to eperience the death of the old self before a new conscious self can emerge.

But I have a sentimental weakness for those I once loved, and in many ways still love. I forget sometimes how incompatible we really are.  Knowing when it is time to let go of that which has past is not a profound transformation. However,  it is often a painful or sad one.

I will always love Sting. But I will probably never like him. He's way too complicated to be anything but a mind fuck. And honestly? I fare better with men who love women - not fear them.

Nevermind that the two signs that laugh together the most are  ♑ & ♏. What is laughter, afterall? ◔ _◔

Thoughts aside, I have never feared the card of Death. It has no real power over me, or any of us and I often think of it is as being inferior to the other 77 cards in the deck. It is a lonely card - burdened by its very name.  It often needs validation from the other cards which appear in the same spread with it. It is not the card which burdens.

No matter the card. Dead tarot cards are not reborn in the afterlife. 

(♠ _♦)

★゚+ Now death by heartbreak. Is possibly everlasting. ★゚+

I drank the Mango Lassi Mr.P brought even though I am not a fan of tropical fruits and vowed not to eat or drink anything after my cuban bowl and coffee. I am staying here just long enough to collect my money, pay my storage bin and pick up my prescription tomorrow and then who knows where life will take me. 

Further out of mind. Further out of sight. I would think.



Le Lumiere

What I love, I forgive.



Human Rites Of Sacrifice

As a matter of forthcoming interest - I still believe suicide is a fundamental human right.

And with that said, I read the news today...

So do I believe Bill Clinton took the Lolita Express to 'Pedophile [Or Ephebophile] Island' where 2 owls [representing Moloch, God of child sacrifice?] stood guard to the temple?  Oh yeah. 100%.

Do I believe Jeffrey Epstein, convicted sex offender [sex trafficking of minors] and owner of the temple had proof that he and many other high ranking members of government and society - were guilty of sleeping with under-age girls who were groomed to be sex slaves?  Yep. 100%

Do I believe Epstein committed suicide in a ligature proof cell? Nope. The man was a canary.  He was silenced as stoolies often are. No cameras. No evidence. No witnesses.

Jeffrey Epstein was a deviant who showed a strong interest in improving the human race through genetic engineering, his own sperm and artificial intelligence. He was primitive, a throwback, and lacked an enlightened sense of morality. He was  hard-wired for perversion from the very beginning.

It is possible, I suppose, that he is now living as someone else in an undisclosed location. Perhaps somewhere in South America where he will live out his years in a witness protection program. 

Whatever his end I truly can not even begin to fathom the depths to which men and women choose to fall.


Play Drums

Dak won a Play Drums . com giveaway.  Package included several cool t-shirts, an issue of Drum God, and sticks. He won't wear the hats or the hoodie or drink out of the water bottle but he will probably keep the dvds, read all of the literature and add the stickers to his drum cases.


The Kid's 64th B-day

Bobby 'The Kid' Lavelle
Murdered In Cold Blood  💔
8.9.1955 - 3.2.1998



Dear Chico

I love you to the beach and back!


Runes, Star-signs And A List of Words

☉♌ △ ♃ ♐

Believe In Love! It is not always owned by Stupid Cupid. (◔_◔)

My new Rune deck is based on The Northern Lights. If you don't know about the Aurora Borealis you should. It is an amazing lightshow. It has been described as a celestial ballet of lights. It is known to be unpredictable. 

The best place to see The Northern Lights on the East Coast in the United States is at Aroostook National Wildlife Refuge in Maine. It is far enough north for the Aurora Borealis to make an appearance on a crisp cold winter night.

Do the Northern Lights really have a connection to Runes? Probably not. But as a collector of Runes and Divination cards......・‥…━━━★゚+.・‥…━━━★゚+.・‥…━━━★゚+ I may review them. Most likely I will forget they exist after I season them because I'm not that impressed with the card designs.

These words showed up, one day at a time. I never intentionally signed up to recieve a Word of the Day or Word Genius as it is called and meant to unsubscribe weeks ago. However if I was as creative as I was with the first 7 -11 words I would write a poem. I would know the poem already and I don't.

Adagio 🎶  ▫️ Sobriquet ▫️ Otiose ▫️ Lambent ▫️ Esurient ▫️ Inspissate ▫️ Mellifluous ▫️ Parsimonious ▫️ Portentous ▫️ Gibbous 🌖 ▫️ Persnickety ▫️ Senescence ▫️ Denouement ▫️ Minacious


The Perfect Day

And later, when night fell, Dak and I scattered most of Yoska's remaining ashes into the sea. He showed up as an orb in a photo that we will not share and also on the shot glasses we bought to mix sand and shells with some of the ashes we decided to keep. We will scatter what is left of the urn  as we go over his bridge. 

I thought about scattering them in Charley's pond. But I was thinking a pond can sometimes be stagnant. So the bridge it is. Maybe I will write about it. Maybe I won't.

Dak still has enough ashes to mix with mine, and to scatter in Jamaica and Amsterdam. I have enough to scatter in New York City when I can without falling apart. I thought I was going to die putting him in the sea...but then a gust of wind named Yoska blew some of the ashes - which were his own - back into my face and I just had to laugh.


Here 1 Week Gone The Next

I will be leaving Ocean City after midnight on Tuesday because I have an appointment in Delaware on Wednesday. However, I am looking for a studio apartment and don't plan to hang out longer than I have to north of here. I can't really afford the room I am presently in. Not for extended stays anyway. Not this month. So I sometimes stay a block or two over where the rates are less insane. This room is $279 - $305 a night before taxes. So you helps to have a van to sleep in.

While I am here, its all about the ocean and my night life on the boardwalk and beach.

This is where I am happiest although I still have not ruled out the Catskills for Autumn and Winter living.

Dak chilling on the balcony. Evening tide.


Psychic Day 2019

I predict I am going to the arcades on the boardwalk. And  later I am going to eat  a slice of Grotto's Pizza and a fried oyster sandwich.

This Fortune Teller known as The Old Gypsy has been on the boardwalk in Ocean City since the 1940's. I actually remember it being on the boardwalk. Now it is in one of my favorite arcades.

She always fascinated  me and I remember telling my friends that she was my birth mother. → 😜 ←

🔮 ✨ 🧙‍♀️

Yes, she read my fortune for 25¢.

I won't copy the entire reading. But it ended with this:

Oh, happiness what an elusive thing you are.
But thank God you were born beneath its star.

Uh huh. 


The Eighth Month

It is August and almost the end of summer in my Autum loving mind.

One might say I abandoned summer 12 years ago when I thought I had lost Chico and went into seclusion for a year.  But I did not actually lose my love of summer until years of sun exposure started to appear in the mirror and I had to confront skin damage, skin cancer, skin cancer scares and full body scans.  I never really believed life on the beach could alter my life. But it did.

I was betrayed by the sun and my own vanity. Whelp! → 😜 ← 

However there is one more real summer waiting for me and I will know it when it arrives. It is simply a matter of meeting it in the way that I need to.

Moon Phases:

🌓  First Quarter August 7, 2019 1:30 PM
🌕  Full Moon August 15, 2019 8:29 AM
🌗  Last Quarter August 23, 2019 10:56 AM
🌑  New Moon August 30, 2019 6:30 AM

🌜|!¤*'~``~'*¤!| MФФИ LФVΞ |!¤*'~``~'*¤!|🌛


Black Super New moon

🌑 ♌️

 You can fall in love with life. The sun is ringing your doorbell. You decide!

Comment Porn: Oh your majesty wherefore art thou?


Quitting The Slither

In a snakepit of thought. 

I thought today that there would be a lot to write about if I were someone else; someone separate from my other selves. I wanted to work on my scribblings - I have been copying them into a notebook for later use - but when I wasn't editing images and photos I mostly just stared at my desktop and all of  pythonic clutter. 

I am leaving for Ocean City again in 5 days. And I can not wait. My life here was over years ago. Yet I stayed hoping to pursue the future I thought I wanted. Now, I don't care if I ever see that beautiful Manhattan Studio Apartment. 

I always know exactly who I am when I am eating Thrasher's fries, Bull On The Beach [pit beef] or Grotto's pizza on the boardwalk. I always find me when I am on the beach. The sea grasses, the shells, the sound of the crashing waves and the sea salt in the air has always transported me to a place of artistic calm and creativity. At night I can get lost in the arcades, the bars and also the casino and return to the calm waiting for me on the balcony of my ocean view room. 

There are 2 meteor showers tonight [The alpha Capricornids and the southern Delta Aquariids] but I doubt if I will go lie down in the parking lot to watch them. I have always wanted to be many things in my life but street pizza hasn't been one of them.

For now. Just this.

Sent a doughnut idea to the Fractured Prune. But my email bounced. Address not found. I will suggest it to them on Sunday when Dak and I buy a dozen to keep in the room.

You can look at the amazing selection here → 🔗
Comment Porn:  It's so left field and extreme. It's just not cricket.



Clonazepam Orally Disintegrating Tablets. Oh Yay.

Anyone considering prescribing clonazepam or any other AED must balance the risk of suicidal thoughts or behavior with the risk of untreated illness. Epilepsy and many other illnesses for which AEDs are prescribed are themselves associated with morbidity and mortality and an increased risk of suicidal thoughts and behavior.

Oh for fuck's sake.


A Series Of Dreams

And the cards are no good that you're holding
Unless they're from another world

He walked away and disappeared into the crowd. It was a city street. I had a suitcase. We had been sitting on the stage together - while Dylan played to a small crowd.....I will not disclose any more details of that dream. Let is suffice to say it was really fucked up of him to just walk away because in my waking hours it left me in a real bad place.

How am I supposed to interpretate it when all I have ever wanted was to hear his voice again?

Oh I suppose he was trying to tell me something and if I study the dream I will discover the answer is within me.

I almost kind of think he wanted me to follow him....the message being: to follow him.

This might be deeper than you know. But I can understand it.

Dylan was a connection that we had. But so was Sinatra. Strangely I had listened to his favorite song Summer Wind last night.

Two sweethearts and the summer wind.

It is a mind fuck. Here. Over There. Everywhere.

I lost you, I lost you to the summer wind - summer of 88........and several summers thereafter.

The autumn wind, and the winter winds
they have come and gone
And still the days, those lonely days, 
they go on and on
And guess who sighs his lullabies 
through nights that never end
My fickle friend, the summer wind

Random thoughts:

Yoska returned as the shaikh, spiritual guide, the preacher, the teacher, and peacemaker. He knows I am hanging out with the wrong crowd. That I have lost my way - in as much as I am not writing or painting,  or pathworking, or watching films.

I'm walking behind him. He walked ahead....of me.... and disappeared. I the dreamer, in need of guidance and protection would have perferred a message of love and warmth. But I have thought that he is in the spiritual realm waiting for me to meet him there. It is either possible for us to each be in two realms at the same time.  Or we meet at the exact place which separates us.

There is another school of dream visitation thought that when the dead return they are looking for forgiveness. This may or may not be true. However, The kid wanted to show me that there is life and love after death. The Kid always returned to warn me of certain incidents that were going to happen - he was protective for the longest time. But he seems to be the moment.

Perhaps Yoska has returned as my spirit guide.  I remembered earlier that he spoke to me. But I have no idea what I said to him or he said to me.

The more detailed account of this dream is in a notebook that I have.

We were all on mainstreet finding ourselves in the basement tapes. 

Gary Cooper Movie Night

In pictures. → 😜  ←

One nice thing about silence is that it can't be repeated.


Fried Goodness

A plate of fried goodness and a bowl of Gulab Jamun from my kind and beautiful friends. The Gulab is soaked in a rose scented syrup and it is very very sweet! Food of the Gods!

Fried potatoes, bananas and something hot and spicy which I haven'y yet identified. 


Comment Porn: Oh no...I am late for World Hypnotism Day


Oh YouTube!

An objective perspective is one that is not influenced by emotions, opinions, or personal feelings - it is a perspective based in fact, in things quantifiable and measurable. A subjective perspective is one open to greater interpretation based on personal feeling, emotion and aesthetics.

The more complicated the content, the more divided the sides. There are two sides. Always just 2 sides. Sigh.


Code Orange

It would seem the heatwave has brought life to somewhat of a standstill although people are playing in city fountains - as they should. Also there are several cooling centers to hang out in if you can not find relief. 

It is hot as fuck. Otherwise I do not know what else to say about it except that it could be a Code Red and it isn't.

I sent Sting a heart-felt, handwritten letter today. Probably because I am mentally ill. I don't particularly expect it to be well-received and I will probably wish I had committed suicide instead. But I hope he will remember me fondly if he survives the ordeal of reading it.

I am sorry we never made it as the couple we started out to be in 2007 and again in 2011. But I will always love him and I will never forget him.

I probably already regret sending it. Love is not anything worth pursuing, let alone worth writing about. And him having the 3 symbols of self-discovery,  he has to hate me some of the time. Also he can appear as a snake and a spider and is wired for inflicting pain and misery on himself and others. 🐍 

↓ On the other hand there is this ↓

Dak's Canadian candy haul sent from a friend who also mailed him a headset. We have since tried the Wunderbar. I probably wouldn't buy it for myself but it was quite good. I have tasted worse candy bars.

Last night's dish from Mr. P. I have no idea what it is. Only that is was amazing. As most of the food he brings is. He also brought a bowl of Sevaya kheer, a sweet vermicelli milk pudding made with golden raisins, almonds - possibly pistachios- and cardamon.


The Heatwave

The news is calling it a heatwave and have issued excessive heat warnings. But I just call it summer. It is hot, maybe even brutally so. But it is still just summer - perhaps at its finest if you think about it. 

I mean who wants a summer where it is just 70° every day? That is just late Spring where I live and maybe not even.

If you know it is deathly hot and live accordingly you will survive it - even during a power outage. 

I never think of heatwaves as being a particularly dangerous time. Perhaps I am not young enough or old enough. However, I know that it can be a deadly time for many.

The elderly who might not have a cooling system - not even a decent fan are in potentially serious danger and the elderly who live in houses with closed windows for fear of being broken into or robbed are in serious danger.  The lack of any ventilation can create a deadly scenario. 

Hopefully all those who are potentially at risk and or in harm's way have people who will take responsibility for them before it is too late.

No one should ever die in their home from dehydration, heat exhaustion and or heat stroke or outside of their home because they do not understand that the heat index is the apparent temperature - what the body actually feels. People sometimes don't understand how the human body cools down and how the rate of ,and or decrease in, sweating will affect them.

🔥 💦 

I will have my weekend errands done by 9 am tomorrow morning and I will spend the day watching movies inside. I may even go to the pool if it is not crowded. Sometimes when it is this hot, locals seeking the perks of air conditioning, free breakfast and a pool will book themselves a room for the week-end.


Food Glorious Food

Mr. P brought a plate of Dhokla and a plate of fried potato cakes which may actually be made with chick peas or lentils. They taste similiar to Aloo Tikki but are thinner. I was able to give him the Cadbury chocolate I bought for him and Mrs. P.  I am so lucky to be blessed by them and sometimes I like to buy them treats that they might not buy for themselves. But perhaps I have already said as much in past entries.


Fried Potato Cakes

One day I will list the food treats I buy for them just in case you have vegetarian Hindus in your life who feed you as their own and you want to thank them but are not sure what they will eat and what they won't eat. Please understand that Mr. and Mrs. P give to Dak and I without expecting anything in return and because of this I keep my gifts to them respectful. I never want them to feel uncomfortable receiving them.



My prediction is that a red wave is coming.  |♟|♟|♟|♟|♟|

I am basing my prediction on the premise that the opposition is blinded by its own anger and hatred and is at present feasting on its lack of intelligence, clarity of thought and unity within too many varied blue lines. |♟|♟|♟|♟|♟| 

In a word, the opposition is unhinged and the rage on which it is energizing itself is disturbing.

I did not base my prediction on my own political beliefs as they are not really of this world in as much as I believe in government of the self  [not to be confused with self-government]- and that is all I truly believe in.

Um, don't drown yourself thinking too deeply about what I just wrote. Translated it means - among many other things - that I will not attack you for your personal beliefs or show up in your country un-invited.

It is a great privilege to be an American.  It is also a great privilege to be a human with inalienable rights. 

Darts, anyone?  🎯

Taper Update:

As most of you probably know I intentionally chose to taper as fast as I could without risking significant brain damage.  The cut and suffer method is not for everyone and I am in no way suggesting my schedule should ever become someone else's road map. I always tell people don't follow me. I have no idea where the fuck I am or where the fuck I will end up. The destination won't really appear until I get there.

It can get scary real fast a few days into each new cut. The secret for me is to up-dose just one day and then soldier on and I only polydrug if and when I absolutely have to - which to date has just been recently and at a dose lower than prescribed.

If at any time I feel like I am in serious danger I will seek medical supervision at the ER located conveniently across the street.


Full Thunder Moon In Capricorn

Partial Lunar Eclipse.  At 24° Capricorn 04. New York – July 16, 5:38 pm. 🌕 → ♈ ☍ 🌞 → ♋ or translated: the moon in Capricorn, opposing the sun in Cancer.

 ♥️ 🐐 💌 🦀 ♥️

Intense emotions. Compulsive behavior. Dark secrets might be exposed because the eclipse square Eris the 2nd largest dwarf planet in our solar system.

Also there is this Eris.
Eris [/ˈɪərɪs, ˈɛrɪs/; Greek: Ἔρις, "Strife"] is the Greek goddess of strife and discord. Her Roman equivalent is Discordia, which means "discord". Eris's Greek opposite is Harmonia, whose Roman counterpart is Concordia. - Wikipedia  

Discord strides exultingin her torn mantle, followed by Bellona wielding a bloodstained scourge.-[Virgil, Aeneid 7.702].

Eris is the daughter of Night. Loved by no-one. Possesses many.

And perhaps of related lunation interest: The Chandra symbols and or The Circular Temple Oracle. Both of which I am now reading as a matter of personal interest and also comparison.

Chandra [Sanskrit: चन्द्र, IAST: Candra, lit. "shining" or "moon"] is a lunar deity and is also one of the nine planets [Navagraha] in Hinduism. ... In Hindu mythology, Chandra is the father of Budha [planet Mercury]. - Wikipedia

 🌜🐐 ๑۞๑ø¤๑۩🦀 MФФИ LФVΞ🐐 ۩๑¤ø๑۞๑🦀🌛

Decluttering my desktop of its many treasures.


Before One's Time

Pathwalking Trinkets


Storm Area 51: They Can't Stop Us All

Newsflash: It's a military base easily equipped to stop an invasion of 1 million + people. Besides if the military doesn't take you out, the aliens living there might. → 😜 ←

You might want to think about what I really just said.  I call it the alien-human exchange program.

Yeah I know, you think we just have  camp grounds and truck stops. 

 👽 Åℓḯℯᾔ ℒø√ε



I bought 2 notebooks and spent the night totally removed from my reality. 

I did not write.  Or paint. Or read. or watch a film. I lost on most all of my scratch tickets.

And I watched the time pass so slowly I am not convinced it really existed.

Mr. P brought a plate of dosas made with yellow lentils and a bowl of fragant rice. Otherwise I did not feel connected to my world at any other time.

Most likely I am in a wave and won't admit it until I bitch slap someone for looking like a tourist attraction.  Really, I must refuse to discuss what I am going through. 

I'm just disinterested and there is no conversation I wish to engage in.

Baa. Bleat.


Jib & Jab

True Blood Forever

Jon - My Brother. My Own.
Death By Adoption
7.12.1954 - 6.16.11

ℐ ωḯℓł @ʟẘαƴ﹩ ʟ☺♥ε ƴøυ 



My taper continues. That is my only update. I have scary times; times when I am uncertain. But it has not been  a nightmare from which I can not awaken. You have to make peace with your symptons. You can't let a fearful mind lead you back down the rabbit hole. Maybe you even have to want to die to be free.

Indian style nachos with sour cream and cilantro chutney and rice pudding from Mr. and Mrs. P. A few nights ago they brought Dak and I Masala Dosas with red chutney, yogart sauce and sweet Indian Carrot Cake for dessert.

Their food is always amazing.


R.I.P. Osho Spirit Tea

Hello Lunatic Moon Eclipse.  ^v^

I am bored as fuck.  Can you tell?

☆+ ゚ .+ .゚.゚。 ゚ 。. +゚ 。゚.゚。☆*。。 . 。 o .。゚。.o。* 。 .。 ☆゚・*:.。.☆† ♡*✧ ✰ 。* ♡*✲゚*。 [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅20)̲̅$̲̅]
♥‿♥ ♥→o←♥ ✧˖°*॰ॱ♡♪ *✲゚*。⋆♡ ♡+:。.。❣LロVЁ❣。.。:+♡ ♬° ✧❥✧¸.•*¨*✧♡✧ ℒℴѵℯ ✧♡✧*¨*•.❥( c//”-}{-*x) I Lᵒᵛᵉᵧₒᵤ♥  [≡] ✍ †=”Ⴛ̸ ♡ ┫:。・:*:・゚’★,。・:*:♪・゚’☆━━━!!!! [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅5̲̅0)̲̅$̲̅] ♥ℒᵒᵛᵉᵧₒᵤ♥  ⚀⚁⚂⚃⚄⚅ [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅100)̲̅$̲̅] ★.:゚+。☆ ◎☆.:゚+。 ♡⑅*ॱ˖•. ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .•˖ॱ*⑅♡  ☆ +。。+゚’゚+。。+゚☆ 、、ヽ`☂ヽ`、ヽ`` ゚+。:.゚Good Йight゚.:。+゚♡⊹⊱【.:*゚..:。:.::.*OУаsυмi:..:*゚..:。:.::.*】⊰⊹ ♠_♦ 💌

 Comment Porn: an equilateral polygon can be a golden triangle.


Dear America

 Love is the only way. There is no other way.



My Patron Saint Of Selves

I wasn’t meant for reality, but life came and found me. ― Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet 
My poetry is written by 3 different poets and a songwriter. If it sounds strange, it really isn't.

I started writing short stories when I was 12. I knew then that I had an obligation to write. I didn't know at the time how relentless and unforgiving the obligation was. But I digress....

When I entered the 8th grade my English teacher, with whom I would become  life time friends with, suggested I try to write poetry after reading a story I had written. I was reading Hermann Hesse's Steppenwolf at the time and my own writing had what we jokingly called  'steppes' to it.  Maybe it was the weed we were smoking....

I had bought Steppenwolf from the book club and it is one of the few books I kept when I decided to become a minimalist 5 to 7 years ago and downsize from hundreds of books to just a handful.

I started to write poetry - and together we and a few other non-conforming students started our own newspaper which we titled Backstage. It sold more copies than the official school paper so it was in the best interest of the school to shut us down and it did.

A year after I started writing poetry the style of which would change from week to week, if not day to day, I read the entire works of Shakespeare [yes at the seasoned age of 15] and I noticed a 3rd voice emerging from within me.

To look at me one would assume I was writing all of my poetry. You don't exactly shapeshift into one of your other selves which often have their own way of dressing and even living. But looks are deceiving and I knew inside that it was me and at least 3 others who were doing the writing I was claiming as my own with the convenience of  nom de plumes. In fact, one of my other selves surpassed Emily Dickenson's 1800 poem count several years ago.

My parents sent me to a psychiatrist because education wasn't free and I wasn't willing to pay for it with my mind  and after talking to each of them and me separately the Doctor told them to leave me alone and just let me be myself. If I were more than one person he would eventually meet them during our sessions except that my parents decided he was bat shit crazy and therefore could never be of any real help to them or me.

Let me just say I never actually told anyone I was harboring a few different personalities. I had only defended myself and my different writing styles when people insisted 3 different poems of mine were written by 3 different people and I was claiming all of them as my own. I also need to note here that these different writing styles developed because they were imaginary and I was able to define them. I didn't just sit down one day and tell myself I was going to write like someone else - although many times I wished I had done just that.

In high school I kept all of my known writing beat and free-spirited and always had quite an audience when I would read one of my poems out loud in study hall. This was and is the poet I am most familiar with.  I wasn't writing Haikus, poems that rhymed or poems from the 15th century then. In fact I did not know what Haikus were and rhyming poems were just songs without music.

High school was a drag. I hated it. And didn't even show up for the first 45 days. 3 months later my parents would escort me into the school to sign my walking papers and later that day enroll me in a private art school because I was painting a lot and had already gotten rave reviews for a backdrop I did for one of the theater troupes they belonged to and acted in. According to the top critic in town my backdrop and the set construction was one of the only good things about the play.

One day, quite by accident - or maybe it wasn't really an accident as much as it was destiny - I was browsing the shelves in a University library and came across The Book of Disquiet by Fernando Pessoa. I sat down and read several chapters before I decided to look him up in the Encyclopedias - which was the only internet available at the time.

And for the first time in my young teenage life I finally understood the existence of my 3 distinct writing styles and why I had given them different names and even biographies different from my own and I chose from that day on to call them my heteronyms too. I have often said Fernando Pessoa kept me from killing myself too soon. 

And to this day he is my Patron Saint of Selves.   Even though everything published on Unscripted Continuation is just signed Jobe it might sometimes be obvious that my heteronyms are still very much alive and writing. It does not cause me angst to acknowledge them in the same blog but they do not really interact with each other and I have grown tired of saying well this is my poem but so and so wrote this one and one of my other 2 inventions wrote this one. 

Fernando Pessoa is a great poet and writer - among other things - to have graced the earth and if you haven't yet read him you should at least read The Book of Disquiet.  He will speak to you in a language you've never quite heard before. And you will have grown because of it.

You can read and or download 35 Sonnets by Fernando Pessoa here → 🔗


The Homestead

And one of the first paintings that hung within it.

A Grave Situation

R.I.P. Carrion Crow Cemetery


Lunatic Moon Crab 🦀

7.1.1952 - 1.20.2017    .*・゚☆Happy Birthday☆゚・*.

Oh  how I miss you so. And yet I am slowly remembering - if I really knew to the extent I am beginning to know today and each day - that there is no separation when one loves with ones heart and soul.

I love you Yoska! And where ever you are I wish you a day that is as special as you are!

Moon Phases 🦀

🌑 New Moon July 2, 2019 3:16 PM
🌓 First Quarter July 9, 2019 6:54 AM
🌕 Full Moon July 16, 2019 5:38 PM
🌗 Last Quarter July 24, 2019 9:18 PM
🌑 New Moon July 31, 2019 11:11 PM

🌜🦀๑۞๑ø¤๑۩🦀 MФФИ LФVΞ🦀 ۩๑¤ø๑۞๑🦀🌛

The July full moon has several names. I only call it the Thunder Moon. 
The 2nd New Moon is a Black Moon.

Listen to the wind, it talks. Listen to the silence, it speaks. Listen to your heart, it knows. - Native American Proverb

Yoska came to me in an early morning dream - I am mostly sleeping  between 5 a.m. and 10:30 a.m. - but all I remember about the dream is that we were talking to each other and he was smiling.

My Rave I'Ching Cards came today. They are quite colorful but I have seen more interesting card art on various other pathworking decks. These cards are not fortune telling cards.  They represent the I-Ching, or Book of Changes, which is more of an oracle than a plaything you might find in a midway booth at a carnival. Not that I dislike Gypsy cards. I love them all but respect the differences.

A re-post from 2007

Sweet Kiss Of Death

Kissing Death Is The Bliss Of Me
In All That I Am And In All That I See
For In Kissing Death I Return To Thee
Together Again Both Dead And Both Free
One Undecomposing Finally
Jobe 2007



It is Sunday. Or Burger Day with fries if you are eating dinner in my circle. Its not exactly a zero point meal. But if you throw away the bread and put hot sauce on the's almost keto.

☾  ♊  ⚹ ⚷  ♈

Moon in Gemini Sextile Chiron in Aries

Mr.P brought a plate of potato dosas with cilantro lime chutney to dip them in. Awesome Sauce!


Melchizedek, Movies and Scones

Saturday Matinee: Gangs of New York. 2002. Several 5 ✩ performances. Excellent Cast. Great story. Directed by Martin Scorsese. DiCaprio plays Amsterdam Vallon  who returns to the Five Points area of New York City in 1862 seeking revenge against Bill 'The Butcher' Cutting [played by Daniel Day Lewis], his father's killer. I really like DiCaprio in this movie - even though, as a rule, I am not really a DiCaprio fan. Most likely, I will remember him as TheAviator though.

Tagline: America Was Born On The Streets.

I was watching videos on youtube when I stumbled across an extraterrestrial named Drunvalo Melchizedek who made a video called The Flower Of Life Is Everything. Drunvalo is also from inside the earth and is a member of the first and last order of The Great White Brotherhood. → 😜 ←

If you don't know:
The Great White Brotherhood, in belief systems akin to Theosophy and New Age, are said to be perfected beings of great power who spread spiritual teachings through selected humans. The members of the Brotherhood may be known as the Masters of the Ancient Wisdom or the Ascended Masters. The first person to talk about them in the West was Helena Petrovna Blavatsky [Theosophy], after she and other people claimed to have received messages from them. These included Helena Roerich, Aleister Crowley, Alice A. Bailey, Guy Ballard, Geraldine Innocente [The Bridge to Freedom], Elizabeth Clare Prophet, Bob Sanders, and Benjamin Creme. - Wikipedia

The biblical reference to Melchizedek is this: Hebrews [7:13-17] Jesus is considered a high priest forever in the order of Melchizedek because, like Melchizedek, he was not a descendant of Aaron, and therefore would not qualify for the Jewish priesthood under the Law of Moses.

I believe another reference has him serving bread and wine to someone....maybe himself...

There is a story that Melchizedek was born walking, talking and clothed from the womb.His mother was a virgin and died in his birthing. His father was a brother of Noah. It is further said he was taken to The Garden Of Eden by the Angel Gabriel where he would be spared death from the flood.

I do not know Melchizedek's place in Judaic literature but he is identified with Shem and was introduced by The Holy Spirit as 'the first-created of God'.  In a word - Melchizedek is/was superior to Jesus Christ.

In Gnostic Christianity Melchizedek is Jesus Christ.

I watched about 15 minutes of the video and ran for the hills which if you really want to know was just a meal that awaited me. I might have thought him real had he not been 100% flawed.

Real aliens have no history. No family. They just appear. I know this because I am certain I have met several in my travels. Drunvalo Melchizedek is not the first alien born to human parents and he won't be the last. You can find people just like him in churches and mental institutions all over the world.

My evening meal: A cranberry orange scone with Kerry Irish butter and a side of freshly picked blackberries. 

Word of the Day: Quixotic

Yesterday's Word of the Day was verbose. 

Oh Word Genius. I am so not impressed. Please stop sending me words I learned in elementary/jr. high school. Yes, I was so advanced in reading and English Lit that by the time I was in 8th grade I was driven to the coordinating High School for 12th grade classes.


Human Design System

Know Yourself.

Wisdom arises out of the awareness of what you are, as opposed to what you are not ~ Love Yourself - Ra Uru Hu, Founder and Messenger of the Human Design System.

I was first introduced to this system in May, I think, by an astrologer I thought I might hire as my own. But it seemed incomplete - as all paths to the self are - and I was pre-occupied with 1-Zero Design and still adjusting to life without Sting - who I once called The One Who Got Away when the reality is he had loved me and left me a long long time ago. He's more like the one who can't love anyone who loves him in return. Or maybe he's not even that.

I miss him sometimes. But I can't hang with people who play weird mental games - as though it is mysterious of one to do so. He never wanted my love but it took me many years to understand the depths of his self-loathing.

Anyway I had my Human Design Chart done.  I've seen more complicated road maps to being even if I am not sure I fully understand this one. Or will ever choose to fully understand it. 

Not knowing has a its own evolved existence.

These are the results of my chart which I had done by 2 different schools of interpretation. The interpretations did not vary to the extreme. The forward slash separates the differences.

My Rave Body Graph:

Type: Generator/Pure Generator
Aura: Open and Enveloping
Strategy: Wait to Respond
Authority: Sacral
Profile: 2-4 Hermit|Opportunist
Definition: Split Definition
Not-Self: Frustration
Signature: Satisfaction
Incarnation Cross: Right Angle Cross of Penetration 4

Briefly and with all too little knowledge:

The Incarnation Cross is created by the gates of the I Ching in the Sun and Earth,  from the two critical points in time, the time  of birth and 88 days before birth which is the point when the soul crystal is planted. 
Each cross is composed of 4 gates, two from the sun and two from the earth. The cross of penetration is made up of the following 4 gates.

My Incarnation Cross
Gate 57 – Intuition in the moment. An instant knowing what to do, how to act, what step to take, 
Gate 51 – Shock. A wake up call to the spirit. A jolt to bring love of all things to light.
Gate 54 – Ambition. The adrenal energy to move forward or to make progress 
Gate 53 – Beginnings. The energy of starting out and taking that first step.

People that have the 2-4 profile, the Hermit/Opportunist need a balance of being alone and being social. These people are often very socially integrated, have an intriguing personality and can start a conversation with anyone.

The 2/4 profile is someone who loves [and finds harmony through] being alone, yet has great interpersonal skills of communication and interaction with others, and always has other people coming in his life, calling him out of his cave. ←Truth.

The power of the Pure Generator/Generator is in their ability to respond to life. Not to be chasing after things, but to wait to respond to life as it comes to them, to honor what the sacral responds to.The Generator has an open, welcoming aura. It is an embracing aura. Generators are designed to take in life in an extraordinary way.

Everything about being a Generator is about how you use your energy. You are THE energy beings, you are THE life force on the planet.

Famous Pure Generators: Albert Einstein, Dalai Lama, Carl Jung,
Famous Manifesting Generators: Sigmund Freud, Mahatma Gandhi, Friedrich Nietzsche, 

Know yourself and respond. 

More possibly forthcoming.....


P.S. I just bought The Human Design System Rave I’Ching Card Deck. What can I say? Life is a picture book.


Not the units of electrical power. Not the neighborhood in South L.A.

But the anti zen philosophy and haiku teacher, wine drinking buddha and depressed, cigarette and weed smoking taoist drunk Alan Watts shining ever so brightly from the amazing canon he left behind. It is said of him that never missed a lecture or a deadline even when he battled depression. He was enlightened but suffering.

I spent last night reading a lot of his lectures I had meant to read a thousand years ago. I am sure we were both alive then.

Some believe Alan Watts was a genius, others believe he was a fool. Almost everyone focuses on the fact that he was an alcoholic who did not live the austere buddhist monk life he often challenged but professed to be true. However, I have my own theories and if ever there was a wise man with a broken mind to keep himself grounded, it was he who had a friend who said he would rather die early than 10 minutes too late.

A haiku is a concrete image of a moment in life - Alan Watts.

He wouldn't find many of my 5-7-5 haikus to be so. My haikus are so horribly written. 

There was a young man who said:
Though, It seems that I know that I know, What I would like to see Is the I that knows me When I know that I know that I know - Alan Watts

Alan Watts had the saddest eyes and I thought, for a moment, that my awakened sleeping self knew why. 

You can read Alan Watts The Book On The Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are here → 🔗

The Apna Bazar Farmer's Market had its grand opening sale today. Mr. P brought an ad, 2 packages of Parle G biscuits - the largest selling biscuits in the world, and about 30 minutes later he brought fried spinach appetizers which were so good, Dak and I ate all of them. I remembered to take a photo after I had eaten several of them.

Yoska appeared as a Viking in Dak's most memorable dream last night. He didn't speak. He just smiled. I told Dak he still has your back. He always will!

To warriors everywhere....who fall so gracefully but remain with the living. 💞